


the atlantic was born today + joshler

by lemonjosh



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Disability, Epilepsy, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Gay, M/M, One Shot, Paralysis, Physical Disability, Trench Era, Wheelchairs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 05:07:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17843039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonjosh/pseuds/lemonjosh
Summary: his arms are going to get tired, but tyler is going to push his wheels and race josh if his life depends on it.





	the atlantic was born today + joshler

Tyler swears he's new.

He's never seen those stark white knuckles, the ones dusted with freckles and gripping the dog's leash so hard the fabric might split. 

Tyler swears he's new. 

He's never seen the sweaty, curly mop of dark brown hair, the way it tucks itself behind pierced, gauged, slightly pointed at the top ears. 

Tyler swears he's new. 

He's never seen those muscular, freckled arms hiding under a tight t-shirt, black with a little hole threading at the bottom hem, barely noticeable but enough to catch Tyler's eyes for a moment. 

The dog is wagging its tail, it thumps against the floor, and its tongue is lolling out on the side of its mouth. It looks happy, content, like it just went for a run but isn't panting because it could still go for more. 

But Tyler thinks dogs may just always look like that. 

The guy holding onto the dog's leash, however, looks like he just ran twelve miles straight with no water. His face is flushed, his breathing seems a little more erratic than what one would normally breathe like, and he's sweaty. Not terribly, but Tyler can just barely make out little beads of sweat along the guy's temple. 

He's got a nose ring to complement a little hook in the bridge, Tyler likes it. 

The lights are fluorescent and buzzing, they illuminate the thin layer of grease over the guy with the dog's hair. 

**_..._ **

The cookies on the plastic folding table are the same as ever, the ones bought at the cracker and cookie section at the store, probably on clearance because they're close to their due date. 

Refreshments usually teeter between lemonade and fruit punch, but there is always water.

Tyler always gets fruit punch and lemonade. If he's late and they've run out, then he'll settle for water.

Tyler tucks a napkin filled with cookies into his lap, hoping that they don't sink through his thigh gap, and rolls himself over to his usual spot, but not before pouring himself a drink. It's lemonade today. 

There is no chair in his spot, he's thankful.

They're mindful, they always make room for Tyler's own chair. He's always sitting, it's what allows him to move around so much. 

He is one of eight people. 

There used to be seven including him, but curly-haired dog man joined last week. Tyler hopes he joins again, maybe he'll talk this time. 

He couldn't even get his name out, he just sat there, sweaty and pale and surely about to tear his dog's leash to shreds. 

_Working dog_ , the vest said.  _Do not touch_. 

Tyler didn't touch the dog, he wanted to but he was respectful and only eyed the happy yellow ball of fur.

Tyler always thought working dogs would be serious, but this one didn't seem like it. He seemed hyper, happy to be around this many people. No one touched the dog, though. 

At one point, the dog started licking his owner's hand, probably as a source of comfort, and the owner closed his eyes and breathed shakily and that was that. He seemed slightly more calm afterwards, not as sweaty, but still incredibly anxious. 

Today, though, he shows up looking a lot calmer than last time, his eyes covered by sunglasses and his hair not as sweaty looking. He looks refreshed, almost, and Tyler wants to march himself right over there and talk to him. 

But he can't exactly march. 

So, he stays in place, picking up his left leg and scooting it closer to his right. With the distance between his two legs, no cookies will no longer sink in between the gap that was just there. 

His legs are still skinny, really, really skinny, he can't exercise them. 

Tyler will joke and say that he skipped a few too many leg days, and he'll laugh, but everyone around him will only laugh because they're uncomfortable and don't know how to handle a joke about such a thing. 

Dog guy legs the dog guide him to a seat, not right next to Tyler, but a seat between them. He pulls off his sunglasses, tucks them into the front of his shirt. The bags under his eyes are unbelievable, it looks like he hasn't slept in years. 

Despite the eye bags, the man is undeniably attractive.

His grip on the leash even looks a little tighter, too. 

When the man glances his way, Tyler ducks his head into the hem of his sweatshirt and hides the way his cheekbones burn furiously. 

A sweatshirt might be too hot for the summer, but Tyler doesn't care. 

He holds his knee with one hand, the other holding his cup of lemonade in the other. He runs his thumb over his protruding kneecaps, over his thigh bone, carefully avoiding the napkin filled with cookies. The dog continues to wag its tail. 

Everyone filters in slowly, everyone usual, everyone ready to share their problems. 

The dog-man is wearing jeans, unsuitable for the weather, but so is Tyler. Tyler always wears jeans, black jeans, to hide his protruding bones and skinny ankles. His legs would break if he were to stand up. 

But he can't stand up, so he doesn't have to worry about his legs breaking. 

Brendon leads the group, he's missing his right hand. He says he got it chopped off when he was four years old, his dad was a murderer and snapped and killed Brendon's mom and then attempted to kill Brendon. But Brendon made it out, only slightly disfigured. Then his big brother raised him, treated him like his own son. 

Brendon's hair is messier than usual today, maybe he just woke up. 

"Alright everybody, welcome," Brendon says, cheerful. He's always cheerful, sometimes he's high. He promotes recreational drug use, it is amazing for alleviating anxiety. That's what he says. "Shall we introduce ourselves?"

Brendon introduces himself first, then Jenna, then Aaron, Sam, and then it gets to Tyler. The dog-man is going to be last, he is after the guy between he and Tyler. 

"Uh, hi," Tyler states, a soft smile on his face. "I'm Tyler, I'm twenty years old, and I'm paralyzed from the waist down."

The usual, bland  _Hi Tyler_  circulates throughout the room, Tyler shoves an entire cookie into his mouth, the crumbs falling into his lap. He brushes them away easily, onto the floor. 

The guy after Tyler's is Dallon, he's really lanky and struggles with arthritis. He introduces himself and then everyone says  _Hi Dallon_  just like they did to Tyler, tired and wanting more from the cookies and refreshments table. Tyler, at least, wants more. He's almost through his cookies and lemonade. 

Now it is time for dog-guy-man-whatever to speak. He sniffs, rubbing his nose, and smiles sheepishly. He only looks a little anxious this time, nothing compared to last week when he looked like he could throw up on command. 

"Uh, I'm Josh," he says, hand in the fur of his dog's neck. The dog thumps his tail stupidly, happy. "I'm twenty one and I have epilepsy."

Now, that's new, but no one comments. They all say  _Hi Josh_  and then it's Brendon's turn to continue speaking. 

This isn't a group for a bunch of sad adults who drink too much alcohol. It's a group for adults who need something to do once a week and can get away with missing work or school because of their  _disability._  Brendon is the only amputee, Tyler is the only one paralyzed. Josh is the only one with epilepsy, but Jenna and Dallon both have arthritis. Jenna has to wear braces on her wrists and knees and she sleeps with one on her hips. Sam has severe autism, his mom always sits outside in case anything were to happen. Aaron has had four strokes, it's a miracle he isn't dead yet. The left side of his face is completely numb, limp, he can't even blink. 

Tyler manages to grab two more cookies after the group is over, and he usually waits for everyone to leave before getting through the door since his wheelchair is so big that he has to maneuver. It's one of those ones with the buttons that work the wheels, but sometimes Tyler will push himself so that his arms get a work out. 

He also has a little basket underneath where he'll put his phone and wallet and sweatshirt come time, and a joystick to spin himself around in different directions. 

Thankfully there is a little dinky elevator for Tyler to use to get back up to the main level of the church, otherwise he wouldn't be able to come to this group. He can't go up or down any stairs unless he has his lift, but that's attached to the stairs in his own home. 

Brendon is still packing up inside, Tyler wishes he would have helped because Brendon only has one hand so things take longer to pick up and move around. But it's too late, Tyler is already pushing himself towards the elevator. 

It is right across from the room where group is, so Tyler doesn't have to push that far. There are also three bathrooms, one for woman and one for men, and then a unisex and handicapped bathroom. 

If there is no unisex bathroom around, Tyler will use the men's restroom. His father helps, he has to lift him up and onto the toilet. But Tyler can pull his own pants down, he doesn't need his father for that. His father always turns around and waits patiently. 

As Tyler is waiting for the dinky elevator to lower itself to the final floor, the men's restroom door opens and out comes dog-man-guy. Tyler then remembers his name is Josh. Josh's sunglasses have yet to vacate the hem of his shirt, and his hair looks a little wet, like maybe he ran his wet hands through it. His hand is tight around the dog's leash. 

Josh's eyes dart between Tyler, the elevator, and the stairs. His dog is standing on all fours, waiting, his tongue lolling out. He looks friendly, but he's a working dog, so Tyler cannot touch. 

"You can pet him if you want," Josh says, and Tyler can't tell that his throat is tight. Josh must have noticed Tyler staring. 

"He's a working dog," Tyler starts. "' _Do not pet,_ ' it says."

Josh smiles shyly. "I'm sure he won't mind taking a break from work. He doesn't get paid enough."

The dog is sniffing Tyler in seconds, vigorously licking his hands and up his wrists. Tyler cackles with laughter and runs his hands through the dog's silky fur, carefully avoiding the vest. "What's his name?"

"Spooky Jim" Josh states. "Jim for short."

"Hi Jim, hi baby, hi gorgeous boy, hi chunky monkey."

The elevator opens, but neither of them seem to notice. Josh crouches down to Jim's level, to Tyler's level. "You like dogs, I'm guessing?" Josh asks, toying with his sunglasses with his free hand. His other hand is grasping Jim's leash. 

"I love dogs," Tyler says.

Tyler's stomach flips at the way Josh's eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles, the way his tongue darts out between his teeth. Somewhere above them, clouds are gathering to cover the entire sky. 

**_..._ **

This week, Josh is wearing shorts. Up his left leg, from ankle to knee, a large, pink, ugly scar resides. No hair grows on it, only around it.

Tyler notices that Josh has rather hairy legs, but that's normal for most men. 

He takes the chair next to Tyler this week, subtly scooting a little closer to him. Tyler doesn't notice, he only watches the way Jim's tail thumps against the wall as he noses Josh's knee.

Josh's voice is a little strained when he speaks, he sounds really anxious, Tyler feeds bad. Jim licks Josh's wrist, noses his arm, he gets as close as possible to Josh to comfort him. The light above them buzzes, flicks off and on a couple of times, and Josh squeezes his eyes shut incredibly tight. 

He looks pale, Tyler feels sick, terrible, Josh mumbles, "I'm sorry, I have to go," and rushes out and up the stairs.

Group is a little awkward after that.

**_..._ **

By the time Tyler gets out of the church and onto the curb to wait for his mother to pick him up, Josh is still there, sitting on the bench with him next to him on the ground. 

He is starting at his hands, his phone balanced on his knee, the hairy bit of skin that is exposed due to his shorts riding up his thighs. Tyler pushes himself towards the bench, and Josh looks up in surprise. 

"Are you alright?" Tyler asks, stopping a few feet away, eyeing the parking lot for his mother's car. She will see him and then drive to the front to lift him into the car. 

Josh purses his lips. "No."

"Why not?"

Jim lays on the ground, panting from the heat. He crawls under the bench and into the shade. Poor him, he has long fur so he must get warm fairly easily. At least it is to his advantage during the winter when fur is needed greatly. 

"To be completely honest?" Josh starts, and Tyler nods, the aftertaste of fruit punch lingering in his mouth. It makes him feel like he hasn't brushed his teeth in ages. Josh clears his throat. "I think I was really close to having a seizure."

Josh scratches at his wrist, and Tyler knows he's not done talking, so he stays quiet. "Fast, blinking or moving lights cause me to have seizures. It's some weird abnormal activity in my brain, I can't explain it. But when the lights down in the basement started blinking, I knew I had to get out of there before anything happened. I barely caught it."

Tyler's mom pulls up to the curb, immediately getting out of the car and opening up the passenger seat. "This is me," Tyler mumbles sheepishly, feeling bad for not really being able to talk more to Josh about his epilepsy. It wasn't a normal conversation by any means, but Josh doesn't really seem like the type of person to really share that kind of stuff, so maybe Tyler feels a little special. 

Tyler smiles apologetically before turning himself around in his chair and rolling towards his mother, who is ready to pick him up.

"Let me help," Josh offers, and he stands up, muttering a quiet  _stay_  to Jim before he appears next to Tyler and his mother.

"Oh, thank you," Kelly, Tyler's mother, exclaims surprisedly. Josh smiles warmly, all traces of him priorly not being okay gone, vanished. "If I lift him, could you bring his chair into the back?" The back door of the car is already open, ready for Tyler's chair. 

Tyler sometimes feels a little helpless just sitting there while his parents lift him up or help him places. It's not like he can help it, there really is nothing he could do. He was born like this, born with legs that wouldn't work. He never kicked excitedly as an infant, never crawled or walked. He would drag himself, sure, but that was hard and never got him too far. 

But he just has to deal with it. Sometimes, really late at night when the insomnia kicks in, he wonders why his mother didn't abort him when he had the chance. If they knew he was going to be paralyzed from the waist down, why would they bother? Just spare him the pain and suffering and angst.

Josh brings Tyler's chair to the back, and Kelly helps him into his seat. His knees knock together as he buckles himself, and he closes the door before realizing he should probably say goodbye to Josh. 

The back door still wide open, chair already inside, Kelly says, "What's your name?"

"Joshua. But you can call me Josh."

"Are you in Tyler's group, Josh?"

"I am."

Kelly doesn't ask why he's in the group, she isn't disrespectful like that. 

From the rear view, Tyler can see Josh smile widely, his tongue poking out of his teeth again. Tyler decides he has a nice smile. "Well, I'm sure Tyler looks forward to seeing you next week."

Through the rear view, Tyler and Josh connect gazes.

**_..._ **

The ride from the top of the stairs down to the bottom of the stairs takes all of twenty seconds, the lift being slow and old. Tyler has had it for the majority of his life, installed because there were no bedrooms on the bottom floor for him to occupy. 

By the time he gets to the bottom his mother has already set his chair out, pillow on the seat, ready for Tyler.

He pushes himself up using his arms and lowers himself into his chair. It's all that he can really do. A common misconception for paraplegics is that they are weak due to their inability to walk, but Tyler has pretty great upper body strength.

"The car is already packed up, let's go," Kelly says. His siblings are already in the car - well, Maddy and Jay. Zack graduated high school in June and took every opportunity to get out. He was gone two weeks after graduation, all the way in California. Said he wanted to get a head start on his job before college so that he wouldn't be broke. 

Tyler takes the seat next to Jay, who sits in the middle. Maddy is on the other side of Jay by the left window. 

Jay is holding the picnic basket in his lap, already filled will sandwiches and snacks and drinks. He's only ten, but his legs are nearly the same size as Tyler's. 

Tyler's throat burns as he notices the comparison between he and Jay's legs, so he sniffs, looks away, and covers his legs up with a blanket. "M'cold," he mumbles when Jay looks at him funny. He isn't cold, it's seventy degrees outside. 

Tyler wishes things were different, but he knows they really can't be, so he just has to deal with it. He's twenty, going to be twenty-one this December, and he still lives with his parents. He couldn't walk across the stage at graduation, they had to hand him his diploma off to the side. And now he takes online college classes rather than real, physical, in person ones. 

It's too much of a hassle to go out by himself, he rarely gets out unless it is for group in the basement of the church or for occasions like these, picnics with his family. 

But it's okay. He's dealt with this his entire life. He's been isolated his entire life, this is no different. 

Really. Really. 

**_..._ **

Tyler is in his chair. 

He is in his chair that can't fucking go on the grass because the wheels will get caught and sink into the dirt, and his family sits down in that very grass, right next to the edge of the path so that Tyler is part of their circle. 

In a way, Tyler feels like a king, looking down at his family because his view is higher up, above them. But he doesn't view his family as a bunch of peasants. He's on their level, but he has to admit that he does feel a little cool sitting like this while they're staining their legs and shorts on the grass. 

But what would grass feel like on Tyler's bare legs? He's wearing black jeans again. 

"Hey, what's up?"

Josh is standing beside him, he's panting, sweaty, Jim is panting, standing, probably in need of some water. Tyler's family is staring, Kelly says, "Oh, Josh! Hello."

"Hi, ma'am," Josh says, bending down with his hands on his knees. He's been jogging without water, god knows for how long. 

Kelly digs in the picnic basket for a bottle of water, and Josh takes it gratefully. Everyone is staring, Tyler can't take his eyes off of the scar on Josh's leg, the way the hair doesn't grow on it. His eyes move up to Josh's lack of shirt, it's tucked into the pocket of his shorts. Tyler averts his gaze, cheeks a deep red. His dad notices, but he doesn't say anything. 

Josh downs half of the bottle before gasping when he comes up for air. "Thank you so much for this, really," he says, wiping stray curls from his face. He's wearing a baseball cap, probably to keep his eyes shaded. Jim is still wearing his vest. 

Maddy hands him an empty Tupperware container, and Josh pours the rest of the bottle in it for Jim, who drinks at it vigorously. Everyone laughs, Tyler doesn't notice. He's too busy trying to not look at the dips and curves and pale skin of Josh's chest and stomach. 

Josh doesn't notice. He doesn't notice. 

Tyler peeks at Josh when he stands up, he peeks at the thin happy trail leading to underneath his shorts. 

Josh notices. 

**_..._ **

This week, at group, Josh scoots a little closer to Tyler's chair. They both notice. 

Josh is wearing several woven friendship bracelets up his left wrist. They find their chairs so close together that Josh puts his hand on the arm rest of Tyler's chair, and Tyler plays with the bracelets. 

No one says anything about it, but everyone eyes them during group. Tyler talks about his lit and how it takes all of twenty seconds to go up and down the stairs. He talks about the way his knees knock together when his mother dresses his bottom half. He talks about the way His mother has to help him in and out of the shower because he'll slip and die if he does it himself. 

He talks about how he needs help with everything. 

He wants to talk about how he's perfectly okay with it, he's used to it because it's all he's ever known, but he can't. Tears he didn't know he had are shed, he didn't know these things were so repressed. Jim licks at his fingers, he tries crawling up into Tyler;'s lap to lick the tears off of his face and nose his snout into Tyler's cheek, but Tyler only wipes his eyes and allows Josh to pull Jim back. It's okay. 

Tyler's okay. 

Josh doesn't talk much, he only mentions that he was put on a new medication that has helped him out a lot more than his last one. And then group is over, and Josh rides the elevator up with Tyler. 

It is a little crammed, so Josh picks Jim up despite his large size and holds him in his arms like a baby, and Tyler is holding his stomach from how hard he is laughing. Jim, a big fluffy baby. Tyler loves Jim so, so, so much.

Jim nearly smacks Tyler in the face with his tail as Josh puts him down when they reach the main floor of the church. He lets himself out first, and then Tyler wheels himself forward and out of the dinky little thing. 

Josh sits on the bench again, and Tyler sits right next to it in his chair. His mother isn't in the parking lot, meaning she is probably on her way from picking up groceries. Tyler doesn't bother calling her, though. He wants to spend some time with Josh.

Josh wipes his forehead, catching a single bead of sweat. Tyler isn't sweaty even with his layers.

"How are you not burning up in that sweatshirt?" Josh asks. "And jeans? How are you not warm?"

"I am warm," Tyler tells him. "I like it, though."

Josh laughs, but through his nose. His lips are closed tight in a crooked smile. Jim is hiding under the bench in the shade. "You're something else, Tyler," he mumbles. 

Tyler wrinkles his nose. "Didn't you drive here? Why are you sitting on the bench?"

"Not really big on cars," Josh admits. He scratches at his scalp, his hair is hot from the sun and his shirt is tight against his arms. Tyler tries not to stare. He tries, but he fails. Josh notices. "I walked here."

"Your apartment is close?" Tyler begins picking at his neglected cuticles, they're really dry. 

Josh nods, reaching under the bench to pet Jim. "Yeah, I walk everywhere. Sometimes I'll run, I don't know."

Kelly pulls up to the curb, getting out of the car as soon as she stops. Tyler smiles apologetically at Josh, already turning around in his chair with the joystick. "I'll see you next week, Josh."

Kelly is about to lift Tyler up into the car when Josh says, "Wait!" He stands up quickly, letting go of Jim's leash, but Jim doesn't move. He slips one of the friendship bracelets off of his wrist, the pink and purple one, the first one his fingers touched, and sheepishly crouches down so that he and Tyler's heads are level. 

"Here." Josh ties the bracelet onto Tyler's right wrist without even asking, pushing up his sweatshirt sleeve to do so. Tyler says nothing, does nothing, he only stares in awe. Josh stands up. "I'll see you next week, Ty."

Somewhere above them, the clouds open up.

**_..._ **

Tyler doesn't dare take his bracelet off, not even when he showers. 

He can only imagine that Josh has had these for a long time, seeing as it is a little worn out, even if he's only seen Josh wear it the day he gave it to him. 

When he gets out of the shower he'll squeeze it tight against his wrist and let the water drop onto the floor. And then he dries himself off and sits on the closed toilet as he wiggles on his underwear and shirt somehow. And then Kelly helps him put on his pants, because that's just too tiring for him to do. 

Tyler likes to think it matches with everything he wears. 

**_..._ **

They're on the bench again. 

Well, Josh is on the bench again. Tyler is next to the bench in his chair. Josh is wearing shorts, hair legs and ugly pink scar exposed, crew socks covering up his ankles. 

The sun is unforgiving, beating down on them and causing Josh to sweat. Tyler accepts it, lets it warm him. It makes him feel full. 

"Do you want to get some ice cream or something?" Josh asks suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence. Tyler twits Josh's bracelet around his own wrist, lets it dig into his skin, lets his skin soak everything up. The sun, Tyler soaks up the sun, he is a plant, this is photosynthesis. 

"I think my mom is almost here," Tyler squeaks, and then Kelly pulls up not even a second later. 

Josh looks slightly disappointed, and he nods, but then Tyler turns to Kelly and blurts out, "Can I go with Josh to get ice cream?"

Kelly blinks, opens her mouth surprisedly. Is she surprised that Tyler has a friend? Tyler doesn't have friends, this is new. But this is good, this is really, really good, so she nods. "Of course you guys can! I can drive you two to the parlor."

"Josh doesn't like cars." Tyler never questioned why, he figured it would be disrespectful to push it.

Kelly purses her lips. "Will you be okay getting there by yourselves?" 

"Mom, I'm twenty years old."

"But Tyler-"

"Mom."

Tyler gets two scoops of chocolate fudge brownie with extra hot fudge on top, and Josh gets three scoops of mint chocolate chip. They sit inside where the air is cool and there is an open table. It is mysteriously empty for a hot day like this, but they remember that a lot of people work and there are other ice cream parlors in the town. This one wasn't too far from the church, Tyler wheeled himself along the sidewalk while Josh and Jim walked beside him.

They let Jim into the store, only because of his vest. If he weren't wearing a vest, if he weren't a service dog, he would have to stay outside in the heat. 

People probably think he's Tyler's dog. Tyler is visibly disabled, people won't take a second glace at Josh because he's "normal looking."

Josh pays, he insists, Tyler grumbles about wanting to pay. 

In the corner of Tyler's mouth resides a small amount of chocolate ice cream. "You, uh, you have a little something," Josh mumbles, eyes on Tyler's lips. He might want to kiss him, he might. He points to the corner of Tyler's lip. If he were to kiss him right now, his lips would be cold and would taste of chocolate. 

Tyler wipes, he misses. Did he intentionally miss?

Josh grabs a napkin from the center of the table and carefully dabs at the corner of Tyler's mouth. By the end of it, they're both about as red as the maraschino cherries the little boy at the table next to theirs has on his sundae. 

Somewhere above them, a few drops of water fall from the open clouds. 

**_..._ **

He has Josh's phone number now, he put it in his phone and vice versa when Kelly came to pick Tyler up.

They had an hour together in the ice cream shop before Tyler got picked up. It might as well be Tyler's most favorite hour of his life. Very well spent.

Kelly isn't even the slightest bit bothered that Tyler might have ruined his appetite for dinner with the super sweet ice cream. He'll still eat, she knows that. She isn't bothered whatsoever. 

"He's a really nice boy," Kelly comments at a stoplight. "You know you can tell me if you like him, right?"

Tyler has never expressed his interest in anyone like that before. Not in high school, not ever. Never. But for some reason, now, Josh has surely peaked his interest.

Tyler isn't confused, he doesn't care what his sexuality is. He decides he'll like who he likes. 

"I know," Tyler says with the string of his sweatshirt in his mouth. He chews on it with crooked teeth. 

"Do you like him?"

Tyler says nothing, but Kelly knows. She can tell, she can see Tyler's maraschino cherry red cheeks even as Tyler shoves his entire head into his sweatshirt. His breath is hot underneath, his t-shirt is wrinkled. His teeth are crooked in his mouth, but he doesn't let go of his sweatshirt string. 

He still refuses to take off Josh's bracelet. 

**_..._ **

_i can't sleep lol_

_Who is this?_

_josh... from group.... bracelet.... ice cream... dog??? jim?_

_Sorry, I don't know a Josh. Maybe you've got the wrong number. Sorry, man._

_oh i'm sorry for disturbing you so late. my bad._

_You DUMMY of course I know a Josh. This is Tyler._

_:0 tyler you scared me, i thought i texted and woke up a random stranger!!_

_You texted and woke up a non-stranger._

_sorry :) (not sorry...)_

_Thank you for the ice cream yesterday. I really enjoyed talking to you. But... I might have enjoyed the ice cream more..._

_> :( i see how it is. guess i'll have to take jim on ice cream dates instead of you._

_Was that a date?_

_did you want it to be?_

Tyler checks the clock. It is currently 2:37 a.m. He stares at Josh's text, wondering why either of them are awake. He really should be asleep, otherwise he'll sleep in very late and he'll miss half of the day. But he really wants to talk to Josh. 

He also really wants that to be a date. Ice cream date, that's really nice. Tyler has never been on a date before, obviously. 

_Possibly._

Josh's reply is instant, the three little dots popping up almost instantly after Tyler sends his message. 

_well then it was a very good date, if i do say so myself :)_

_would you possibly want to go on another? doesn't have to be ice cream this time_

_I mean, I wouldn't mind more ice cream. And yes._

_you have no idea how glad i am to hear that_

Tyler smiles. He doesn't know it, but Josh is curled up in a ball in his own bed, smiling too. 

Somewhere above them, a few more drops of water fall from the open clouds. 

**_..._ **

Tyler gets strawberry sherbet this time, but with strawberry sauce and extra strawberries. Josh gets rum raisin, because he's a legal alcohol-drinking adult. 

Tyler will be legal come this December, but it's not like he'll drink anyway. It just doesn't seem all that appealing to him, what with its weird colors and pee-like smell. But cheers to those who do drink it, as long as they are responsible. 

Tyler can see his mother waiting in the parking lot. She never left, she is in the driver's seat reading some book. She has nothing better to do, and she was more than willing to drive Tyler to a  _date_. 

Jim is lazily licking Josh's ankle from under the table. He takes a bite out of his cone. 

"What's on your mind?" he asks. Tyler shoves a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. 

In any other circumstance, Tyler would shrug his shoulders and continue eating his ice cream. But this is Josh, the man who is currently taking him on a date for ice cream. Their second ice cream date. Tyler's second date, he's new to this. 

Tyler really isn't sure what's on his mind besides thinking about how he's on a date. The concept is so foreign to him. 

"I'm thinking about how I've never been on a date before besides with you."

Josh nods. "I've never been on a date with anyone else either."

Tyler nearly chokes on a strawberry. "Really?" he squeaks. "You're twenty one and you've never been on a date? You're really hot, though."

Josh's smile is crooked, he's red as Tyler's strawberries. "You're twenty and you've never been on a date, and  _you're_  really hot. I don't get why people wouldn't want to go on dates with you."

Tyler scoffs. "Nobody wants to go on a date with me because I'm bound to a wheelchair for life. I don't think anyone would want to wake up to my skinny, useless legs every morning."

Josh takes another bite out of his cone. "I wouldn't mind that."

Neither of them notice Kelly walking into the shop until she's there, in front of them, and Jim's head is peeking out, watching her curiously. "I hate to cut you two off," she turns to Tyler, "but your father just told me that dinner will be ready very soon." She turns to Josh now. "Would you like to come over dinner, Josh?"

Josh's eyes dart between he and Tyler, and their nearly finished ice cream. Josh could eat, and he'd rather it be a home cooked meal than some shitty macaroni Mark has probably made by now waiting for him on the stove. "I would love to."

And Tyler's heart skips eight beats and he forgets to breathe. Has he cleaned his room? Is the house tidy? Did he shower properly this morning? Are there baby pictures of him lying around for his mother to show Josh?

"Would you be okay with having Jim over, though?" Joshua asks. 

Kelly waves her hand in dismissal. "Of course, of course."

"The walk is kind of far from here," Tyler says. "It might take awhile for us to get back to the house. Probably forty-five minutes to an hour."

Joshua frowns. He doesn't like cars, he really doesn't. He hasn't been in one in years, he's always walked everywhere, even to people's houses who he has to give lessons to. Even if the walk is over an hour, he'll do it. He just doesn't want to get in a car. 

But it might be hard on Tyler to travel all the way back to his house in just his wheelchair. Josh could always just ride in the car... Maybe keep his eyes closed... 

"It's okay, Ty, I can ride in the car."

Tyler frowns. "But you don't like-"

"It's okay." It's okay. It's okay. Josh tells himself it's okay, it will all be okay. 

Tyler sits in the middle with Josh, Jim in the front seat, probably shedding fur everywhere. Josh's head is tilted down, his eyes are shut tight, and he looks like he might vomit. Tyler stares, he doesn't want to stare but he does, Jim is staring too, worried. 

"Are you okay?" Tyler whispers, Kelly is aware too. 

Josh swallows thickly and nods, but he doesn't open his eyes. 

A grown man. He's a grown man and he's scared of a car. He thinks he's stupid, anyone can ride in a car, normal people can ride in cars without having-

"We're here." And Josh unbuckles himself so quick Tyler nearly gets whiplash from watching him get out. He sighs, unbuckling himself, opening the door, watching Josh help Jim out. Kelly helps him into his chair. He can easily lift himself on and off of his lift, but lowering himself into his chair from the car is too great of a height difference. 

Tyler can push himself up the ramp, that's no struggle for him. The special concrete thing was made specifically for him. 

"You really didn't have to do that," Tyler says, looking up at Josh with a frown. "We could have gone on foot. Well, you could have gone on foot. I would have pushed myself."

Josh takes a deep breath. "It's fine. It's fine."

_..._

After dinner they escape upstairs, stomachs full and bodies tired. 

They feel like absolute children as Tyler slowly goes up the stairs on his lift, Josh following and carrying Tyler's chair one step at a time. They're laughing. "I think that might be the longest time it's ever taken me to go up a flight of stairs."

"I've definitely got you beat," Tyler laughs as he pushes himself into his chair. Jim is waiting by Josh, tail wagging. He never leaves Josh's side. "One time this thing got jammed and only Maddy was home with me, and she didn't know how to fix it so I was stuck halfway up the stairs for an hour before my parents came home and unjammed it."

Josh doubles over with laughter, clutching his stomach as he follows Tyler to his bedroom. He forced Maddy to go in there when they were cleaning up the table to check if everything was clean, and she gave him the a-okay. Hopefully it is up to Josh's standards. 

"Nice room," Josh says, looking around. He sits down on Tyler's bed, pushed up against the wall and more than big enough for the two of them. He never understood why his parents got him such a large bed, he doesn't even move around when he sleeps so there is no point in having a bed that large. 

"Thank you, I forced my siblings to decorate it for me while I watched and ordered them around."

Josh laughs again, hard and genuine, all past anxieties about being in a car gone. Jim has already tucked himself into a corner of the room with a random stuffed animal he found. Tyler doesn't know where he found it, but Jim seems to love it. Tyler's floors are hardwood, as opposed to the rest of the rooms up here which are carpet, because carpet is too hard for him to wheel around on. Hard carpet is fine, but not the fuzzy carpet here. 

Tyler looks at the way Josh is sitting down on his bed, and then to himself. "Can you - just-"

Josh gets the message immediately, scooping Tyler up like a princess, lightweight. Tyler's legs dangle but his chest and cheeks are burning with how close their bodies are. How close their faces are. How they could just kiss right now. 

Josh props up pillows for Tyler and then lays down next to him. Tyler had subtly closed the door just a minute ago, and Josh noticed, but he doesn't say anything about it. 

It's quiet for awhile, Tyler's phone digging  into his butt from his pocket, so he tosses it onto the nightstand. At first, Josh has his arms behind his head, watching the ceiling. Tyler's heart is racing, but he tries to hide it. He doesn't want Josh to see him a nervous wreck because he's laying in bed with a boy. There are moments where he's confident and such, but right now Tyler feels like a coward. 

Josh turns, resting on an elbow, cheek in palm. His hair is wild and curly. Tyler gulps when he can feel his gaze on him, but he doesn't look, he only continues to stare at the ceiling as if he were by himself. "I know you've never been on a date before, but have you ever kissed anyone?" Josh's voice is low, afraid that someone might hear them. 

Dammit, Tyler really can't ignore him now. He turns his head over, body still in the same place, and he lets out a simple  _no_. "Like I said, no one would want to date or be with me because-"

"Can I kiss you?"

Tyler blinks. "Can you what?"

Josh scratches at the light scruff growing along his jaw. "Can I kiss you?"

Tyler narrows his eyes, trying to seem confident again. He's failing terribly, he's a shaking, awkward mess right now and he would give everything to have some sort of experience so that he doesn't seem like the most absolute loser Josh has ever met when he steals his first kiss away. 

"You aren't just doing this because you feel bad for me, right?" Tyler asks quietly. "Or because you're... A lot of people have a paralysis fetish."

Josh nearly scoffs. "I absolutely do not have a paralysis fetish, Tyler. I'm doing this because you're cute and I like you. A lot."

And that's how it goes, really. Tyler cracks the widest grin he could ever, nearly splitting his lips and bringing blood to the surface, and Josh leans in, soft and smooth and still a little scratchy, what with his scruff. 

Tyler is inexperienced, he has no idea what he's doing, his eyes are wide with shock at the feeling. But Josh doesn't seem to mine the way Tyler's lips press against his, and he laughs through his nose and smiles against his lips when their noses press together, and then he angles his head so that doesn't happen. 

"Close your eyes," Josh mumbles against Tyler's cheek, nosing his dimple. Tyler closes his eyes, and suddenly everything is heightened, down to Josh's hair ticking his forehead when he dips in for another kiss, this time parting his lips ever so slightly. Tyler mimics him, it feels wet and slimy but for some reason his brain registers that as good.

Josh pulls away for air eventually, and Tyler's brain is going absolutely haywire, circuits busting and sparks flying. "Wow," he breathes. "Kissing is kinda nice."

"And you're kinda cute," Josh says, pecking Tyler's cheek. 

Tyler's insides are burning, he wants to kiss Josh again. He wants to kiss Josh forever. 

Somewhere above them, an entire ocean is released by the open clouds. It washes over them, pours down, filling up every hole in the perforated surface of this earth. It fills their ears, their noses, their mouths when they reconnect. 

Tyler is drowning, but he has never been able to breathe more.

**_..._ **

Josh.  _Josh_.  _Joshua_. 

Tyler can taste him on his lips, the faint remnants of rum raisin ice cream, and oddly, the lasagna from dinner. But it isn't unpleasant, Tyler only wants more, his entire body going insane. 

If he were able to walk, then he would run. He would run as fast as his frail little legs could carry him all the way to Josh's apartment. 

Josh insisted he walk home, he said he was fine and because it was still light out even at seven, he was fine. Kelly eventually caved and let him, but not before giving him some leftover lasagna and a friendly  _Don't be a stranger_. 

It isn't even half an hour after he leaves before Josh is lighting up the screen of his cell phone with an incoming call. Tyler scrambles for it, still in bed, still prodding lightly at his lips with soft fingertips. 

"Hi." Josh is panting, tired. 

"Hello," Tyler says quietly, but he puts Josh on speakerphone and begins ridding himself of his clothes. His pants get stuck on his ankles and he really can't seem to get them off. 

"I miss you already," Josh laughs, still panting. He hears a shower start up in the background. "I wanna see you again."

"Gosh, aren't you desperate," Tyler jokes, but he's laughing as he pulls his shirt over his head, exposing his chest and ribs and belly button, and even the very thin trail of hair leading to beneath his underwear. He thinks about Josh's and his stomach turns. "My pants are stuck on my ankles."

There are a few seconds of nothing but the shower running in the background, and Josh's slow panting. He must have run home if he is panting like that. "There's that carnival happening at the end of the week. The one in the mall parking lot."

Tyler knows where this is going, his stomach churns again. He's never been to a carnival, this might be fun. But then again, there will be crowds, and it might be hard for Tyler to maneuver around all those people in his wheelchair. He'll get in the way, people will get mad at him. And besides, he can't even ride any of the rides. 

"Tyler?"

"Maybe we could do something else," Tyler squeaks. "A-a carnival might be too difficult for me."

Josh hums. He thinks for a moment. "I could - I could always make you dinner at my apartment. And we could pretend I won you a giant stuffed animal when in reality I would just order it off of Amazon. And I could get cotton candy and popcorn, and then maybe we could try and fry some Oreos."

Tyler cracks a grin. "I would love nothing more."

After the call is over, Tyler calls for Maddy to come help him pull his pants off. It isn't awkward, they're both used to it, and besides, it's only from Tyler's ankles. He pulls himself into bed despite it only being close to eight, but he's asleep in seconds, not waking up until about twelve hours later. 

**_..._ **

Throughout the week, they text nonstop. 

Tyler jokes about Josh neglecting his work, his job for texting Tyler. Josh tells him he works from home - sort of. He does drumming lessons, a freelance drummer. He says he's thinking of starting up an actual business. 

Tyler tells him he should join a band, Josh tells him his roommate Mark works for a band that he used to drum for at gigs. Mark only films and occasionally photographs the band. But then they tested out some crazy lighting without telling Josh because they all  _forgot_  about Josh's epilepsy, and Josh had a seizure on stage. 

So, Josh just drums for himself and at lessons now. 

Tyler tells him he misses him. 

Josh tells him he misses him too. But Josh tells him he's booked until the end of the week, but not for group. They will see each other at group. 

**_..._ **

They sit impossibly close at group. It's always on Thursdays, tomorrow is the carnival that Tyler and Josh are going to skip out on to make their own carnival. 

Today, they talk about acceptance. Jenna is rubbing at her wrists over her braces the entire time. 

Josh breaks down when it comes to be his turn, something Tyler didn't suspect at all. But it's okay, strong boys like Josh can cry. Boys cry, Tyler cries. Josh cries, his tears are silent as they roll down his freckled cheeks.

"I've come to terms with it now," Josh mentions. "I mean, it was nine years ago."

Josh wasn't born with epilepsy. He was perfectly fine as a child, up until just after his twelfth birthday when his entire family got in a car crash and only he and his brother survived. Josh suffered severe head trauma that led to him developing epilepsy. His brother broke both of his legs and had to be in a wheelchair until they were healed. They lived with their grandparents after that. Jordan still lives with them, he's only fifteen. 

Sometimes a good cry is needed, and after group, Josh seems refreshed. 

On the bench, while Tyler waits for his mother, Josh says, "It felt really good to get that out."

"I'm proud of you," Tyler tells him. 

Kelly picks Tyler up.

**_..._ **

Kelly drives Tyler to Josh's apartment. Chris, Tyler's father, is in the passenger seat. 

"What time should we pick you up?" Chris asks as he lifts Tyler into his wheelchair. Josh is already walking towards them. Jim isn't with him, meaning he's probably inside the apartment. 

"I'll text you guys when." And then Tyler is pushing himself towards Josh, meeting in the middle. Josh wants to kiss Tyler, he wants to bend down and take his face in his hands and kiss the life out of him, but not in front of Tyler's parents. When they get back to the apartment, surely. 

"Wanna race to the front door?" Josh asks. 

"Oh, you're on."

His arms are going to get tired, but Tyler is going to push his wheels and race Josh if his life depends on it.

**_..._ **

The table is set with a candle between their two plates, and on those plates lie cotton candy, what looks to be churros, and hot dogs. 

"I told you I was going to bring the carnival here," Josh tells Tyler, pulling out the chair and moving it so that Tyler can sit in his own chair. 

"I like the addition of the candle," Tyler says when Josh sits down. "Nice and romantic."

"It's scented," Josh says. "Apple."

Tyler tries eating the cotton candy with a fork, which is terribly amusing to Josh, and they end up laughing so hard that Josh nearly chokes on his juice. Tyler has to drink two juice boxes to wash down all of the sweets. Hot dogs and cotton candy and churros do not correlate with each other whatsoever, but it's okay. It's more than okay. Josh made an effort, and Tyler has to give him that. 

After they finish eating, Josh wipes his mouth with a napkin and says, "I may have set up a carnival game too. You know, so I could win you a giant stuffed animal."

Josh makes it really easy. It's a ring toss in the living room, the couch pushed back against the wall to give them more room, and the television is on but not playing anything. Tyler is out of his chair, on the couch, legs pulled close to each other with his hands in his lap. 

"Okay, I'm ready." Josh crouches down on the floor, on his knees, a couple of plastic rings in his hands, ready to throw onto the empty paper towel holder. 

Josh misses the first time, but the second time the ring gets onto the paper towel, spinning until it gets to the bottom. Tyler and Josh both cheer, Jim peaking his head up in interest. 

Josh's roommate is there, he was come out of hiding from his bedroom. "Aren't you supposed to get both rings on to win the stuffed animal?" he asks. Josh throws one of the rings at him and he scurries back into his room, laughing, but not before he grabs some of the leftover cotton candy. 

"That was Mark," Josh tells Tyler. "He's nice."

"Seems like it." Josh sits down in front of Tyler, legs criss-crossed, shoulders hunched slightly. He puts his hands on Tyler's knees, he runs his hands over the fabric of his black pants. Tyler reaches forward and runs his hands over Josh's wrists, and then he links their fingers together silently. Josh's hands are bigger than his, his fingers bigger. 

"How did you get that scar on your leg?" Tyler asks quietly, eyes cast down to their hands. Josh makes no attempt to disconnect them. 

"From the car crash," Josh mumbles. "A shard of glass cut it. I had to get like, forty stitches."

The stuffed animal Josh ordered off of Amazon is a giant teddy bear, stereotypical but Tyler loves it. He names it  _Jishwa_. 

Josh crawls onto the couch, and with his eyes he asks if it's okay to pull Tyler into his lap. Of course it's okay, and of course it's cliche when they kiss and it feels like the world has gone still and they are the only ones left to inhabit it. They kiss like it's how they're supposed to breathe, how they're supposed to live the rest of their lives. 

They kiss as Josh's hands find home on Tyler's hips. They kiss and Tyler's head is reeling, he really has no idea how to properly kiss but Josh is there, holding on, pulling him in, drowning him. Tyler wants to drown in this feeling forever. The ocean is unforgiving, continuing to spill from the open clouds. 

Josh kisses underneath Tyler's ear, in the hollow of this throat, in the little dip of his chin, on his nose, temple, forehead, back to his lips. 

"Just to let you know," Tyler breathes against Josh's lips, "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing."

"Me neither," Josh says. "I've - I've kissed people before, but never like this."

"Like how?"

"Like I never want to stop."

Josh's breath is hot, warming Tyler's skin and his lips. It isn't unpleasantly hot, like he hasn't brushed his teeth in awhile, it's very pleasant. Tyler loves being warm, but right now he's on fire. 

"Well yeah, you're my first kiss. Kind of sad for me to be twenty and just now having my first kiss, don't you think?"

"God, of course not, Tyler." Josh frowns, pushing Tyler's hair back on his forehead. "Stop belittling yourself like that. It shouldn't matter how old you are when you have your first kiss, or your first date, first time, whatever. You get to make that decision, people shouldn't make it for you, and they definitely shouldn't tell you you're wrong for having it later than them."

Tyler's stomach churns. This is so unlike him. "What was your first time like?"

Josh shrugs. "I don't know. Haven't had it yet."

Tyler's stomach is doing somersaults, flipping and active. He gets what Josh is saying, one hundred percent. He's just a little appalled, that's all. He's seen the way Josh's body looks. Toned, pale, freckled, muscular. But Josh is right, no one can tell him when his first time should be because that is completely up to him to dictate. 

"I'm sure you know by now I haven't had mine either," Tyler whispers, rubbing his eyes. 

"Yeah." Josh's voice is incredibly quiet.

They wonder if Mark can hear them. Jim is lying down, curled up into a ball on his bed, fast asleep. Jishwa is slumped against the couch, lifeless but soft and maybe bigger than Tyler. The television is still on but not playing a thing. 

Josh's hands find home in Tyler's hips again, thumbs digging under the waistband of his pants. "Would you... possibly... I don't know... I think-"

 "Josh," Tyler gasps. "Kiss me until we're all that matters in this world."

And Josh does. He does, he kisses Tyler with a gentle force. And he kisses him. He breathes him in. He carries him to his bed and kisses down his body, and he pulls his shirt off and kisses Tyler's nipples and belly button and collar bones. 

And he kisses his wrists and under his armpits and his ribs and  _god,_  he kisses every inch of skin. He kisses him and realizes that neither of them were prepared, that they don't have condoms because neither of them have done this before. They kiss when they decide that they don't need a condom because obviously neither of them have done this before, so why would Josh just have condoms on hand?

They kiss when Josh fumbles around in his nightstand drawer for the bottle of lube, because yeah, "I sometimes use this for myself." Josh's cheeks are a wildflower red, petals shedding onto Tyler's chest and mixing with his tan exterior.

They kiss when they pull their pants down and prop several pillows under Tyler to elevate him, and they kiss when Josh is throwing their clothes to the floor. 

They kiss when Josh pops open the cap on the bottle of lube, and they kiss when Josh pours some on his fingers and prods between Tyler's legs.

"O-oh," Tyler gasps, not really sure what this feeling is. Josh is waiting for his approval. "G-go ahead." 

Josh has Tyler's legs spread out, limp and unmoving, inviting. He slowly presses a finger in, all the way down to his knuckle, and Tyler squeals at the unfamiliarity. "Are you alright?" Josh whispers, worried at he way Tyler's eyes squeeze shut, at the way he's biting his bottom lip. 

Tyler nods quickly, refusing to open his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, just go slow. Go slow." 

And Josh goes slow, he's careful, he's forgiving, he's brushing Tyler's prostate and Tyler is whimpering. This calls for another finger, and then another, and Tyler is nearly undone and stretched out and sweating onto Josh's pillows. 

Josh is nearly quaking at the sight, eager, and when Tyler gives him the go-ahead, Josh carefully enters Tyler, hips connecting with bottom, skin with skin, fingers linking together, foreheads pressed to each other. This is unfamiliar to Josh too, he really has no idea what he's doing. Porn wasn't that helpful, it didn't teach him a thing. 

They're still neither of them moving until Tyler lets out a strangled, choked noise when Josh presses his chest flush with Tyler's, and Josh's stomach presses against Tyler's groin and one of the most sensitive parts of his body. "Come on, come on," Tyler is babbling into Josh's mouth, and Josh is moving, picking up his pace, rocking Tyler's body against the pillows. 

They kiss until they are all that matters in the world.

**_..._ **

Tyler is more than thankful for his sweatshirt, ugly and mustard, to cover up his bitten and peppered skin. 

His parents don't say much, only asking him if he had a good time, and he's smiling, running his hands up and down Jishwa's soft fuzz the entire way home. 

"We had a carnival," he tells them. "We had a carnival."

**_..._ **

They're in Tyler's bed, fully clothed, lying down, Tyler's forehead pressed to Josh's chest.

Tyler's  phone lays between them, screen up. The door is closed. 

"Do you think it's too early to say 'I love you'?" Josh mumbles, his hands under Tyler's shirt, lazily scratching at his bare back. 

"Not if you love me." Tyler sniffs, breathing in Josh's scent. He's surprised that he isn't completely freaking out right now. 

"Do you love me?"

Tyler looks up and kisses Josh's jaw. "Yeah, I-"

Tyler's phone signals his alarm, it's eight o'clock, time for him to shower, the light is flashing brightly, it catches Josh's eye. 

"Fuck, fuck, oh my fucking god-" Tyler is scrambling to sit up, to grab his phone, to turn off the alarm, but it's too late. Josh is convulsing, his body is curling, his eyes are dead and Tyler lets out a blood curdling screaming. Josh is having a seizure. Fuck. Fuck.  _Fuck_. 

"Mom!" Tyler's throat burns and he's sobbing, Josh is having a fucking seizure. Jim is yelping, he's running out of the room and down the stairs to get help. 

Tyler can't move, Josh is moving too much, he's wetting the bed because he has no control over his body. There are pillows in the way, Tyler is in the way, but he can't fucking move. 

Kelly is panting, she says, "Tyler, what's-" and then she sees Josh, and she looks terrified. Tyler is screaming, he's pulling at his own hair and he can't fucking move, Josh's elbow slams into Tyler's hip. 

"Oh my god, dear god," Kelly breathes. She quickly lifts Tyler into his chair, and Tyler vomits all over his lap, sobbing and stomach gurgling. 

During a seizure, it is best to clear the area where the person having it is. That way, they can't hurt themselves or others. Tyler's hip is stinging from the force of Josh's elbow. 

It is over twenty seconds later, but Tyler is still heaving, his father has to pull him out of the room. "Tyler, it's okay," his voice is calm, soft. "Come on, lets get you in the shower. You're covered in vomit."

"But Josh!" Tyler wails, hands and pants sticky with vomit.

"Your mother will take care of him, it's okay," Chris coos. "Come one, it's okay. It's okay."

**_..._ **

Tyler and Josh try to shower together, but it's hard with Tyler's seat. 

Josh sits on the closed toilet seat, limbs tired and weak, his eyes heavy. The water washes away tears and vomit. 

"I'm so sorry," Tyler pokes his head out of the shower and mumbles. "I-I forgot my alarms did that."

Josh rubs his elbow. Tyler is already developing a bruise on his hip from it. "It's okay," he whispers. "You didn't know, I didn't know."

They're silent for awhile, and Tyler scrubs his hair with shampoo, digging his nails into his scalp. It gets in his eyes and more tears surface. "Are you alright?" he asks Josh. 

"Yeah, just tired and sore," Josh says. "I haven't had a seizure in awhile. Sorry I peed your bed."

That's the least of Tyler's worries right now.

Conditioner next, he moves his head so it doesn't get hit with the water while it sits, peeking at Josh through the curtain again. Josh is wearing nothing but a towel, waiting for his turn to shower. Kelly is washing his clothes, Tyler's clothes, and Tyler's bed sheets right now. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" Tyler asks when Josh scrubs his face with his hands.

"Yes, I promise I'm okay," Josh breathes. "Epileptic seizures can't cause any actual hard to my body unless I hit something. They usually just make me really tired and a little sore. Sorry about hitting your hip."

Again, the least of Tyler's worries. 

Once Tyler rinses out his conditioner, they switch places, but not before Josh helps Tyler dry himself off, and then he helps him dress himself and then he lifts him into his chair. Tyler is warm, his sweatpants and sweatshirt are thick and fuzzy, and Josh sighs when he steps into the shower. 

Jim is waiting right outside the door. 

**_..._ **

They find themselves back in bed after the sheets have been washed and dried and put back on Tyler's bed. 

Josh has nothing to do, Tyler can do his homework tomorrow, and Jim is galloping around in the backyard right now. It's dark outside, too dark for Josh to walk home, and after what happened, he doesn't want to even go near a car. 

"Stay the night," Tyler pleads, hiding his face under Josh's bare shirt. He presses his nose into Josh's sternum, and he hears his heart beat.

"I don't think I have a choice," Josh laughs, but it's a tired laugh. 

Jishwa is sitting on the floor beside Tyler's bed. Josh kicks at it lazily with his foot. "I'm twenty years old and this is my first sleepover," Tyler mumbles. 

"I'm really taking your first everything, huh?" Josh's eyes are fluttering closed, he's going to be gone in minutes. 

"You know how earlier we were talking about love?" Tyler mumbles still, Josh shifts so that his legs are on top of Tyler's, pulling Tyler completely flush with his body. Josh hums. "I really do think I love you, Josh. Even - even if we haven't been together for that long."

It was never really specified whether or not they were together. It was just an unspoken agreement. 

Tyler nearly thinks that Josh has dozed off, because he doesn't say anything for awhile, but eventually, he speaks up. "If this is what falling in love is like then I don't ever want to fall out of it." He presses his nose to Tyler's damp hair. "I'm madly in love with you."

Tyler pulls himself out of Josh's shirt, the air surrounding them suddenly cold due to the lack of Josh's body heat on his skin. He puts his hand on Josh's stomach, warm, hot, cold, burning, scorching. His entire body is burning up and flying away as dust.

"Come here," Tyler says.

"I need you so much closer." 

They built the atlantic ocean together.


End file.
